So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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