i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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