It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
