Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Liz is crying about burritos again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
