i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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