So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
