Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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