WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
