tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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