u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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