he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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