I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
