Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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