This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
