What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
