that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
