You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
