when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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