My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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