PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
