by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
