I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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