I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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