I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish there were birth control emojis
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
