haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
