Plan B is the new Plan A
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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