He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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