i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
