I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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