Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
