I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
