The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You took a bar mat shot.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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