Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
