life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
