i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
