i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just had sex on a roof
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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