i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
