And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
