Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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