I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
