If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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