you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
