we're blogging at a bar
You're my little dorito
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
