New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bring me that man meat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
