I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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