This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need water and some morals
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
