i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She bit a glass in half.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dicks are not precious.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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