Nicole vs. Life
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
