im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
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Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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