I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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