I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
