I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
