I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
that may or may not have been my penis.
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