it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
