I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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