i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
