You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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