I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
