we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
be right there i have to get my cape
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
