i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
