Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
